he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
