i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
birth control should be required to get into college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
