you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
