Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
