Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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