he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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