When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
