Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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