We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
