Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
