no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
