Barsexuality is the new black.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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