I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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