life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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