So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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