What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
