this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
