they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
