If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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