I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
