everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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