Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
