I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
