Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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