FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
