so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
