It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
where are my eyebrows?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
