I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
