just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize