Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
