I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
