You made me cry and you don't even care
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
