i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
