I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
