His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
