It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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