This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
