My liver just broke up with me...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
