I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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