it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
