I'm so fucking centered right now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
