I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
