Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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