Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
