my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
