Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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