Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
