im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
