It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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