is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
