All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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