Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize