I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
