I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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