I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
