I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
