Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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