New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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