I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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