what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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