1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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