I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
