I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
