either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
