i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
