Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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