Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
