Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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