Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
