she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
