I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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