fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
